Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire

12 weeks ago two of my friends from church and I started on a spiritual journey together. We each had personal reasons that were all our own and a larger community reason; we wanted to pray for the revival of our church. We decided to read Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala. This is an older book and we all had read it years before but thought it would inspire us to pray for our own church as we read the story of the Brooklyn Tabernacle. We met as a very small 3 person Sunday School class using half our time to discuss the book and half the time to pray together. We got together outside of class to pray as well and kept in touch daily through email.

As you can read in my previous posts, I have been unhappy with my church, so I decided that I would take this time (12 weeks according to the 12 chapters of the book) to seek God’s will for which church He was calling me to. I hoped to have a decision by the end of the 12 weeks. At the time we started the book I did not realize that 12 weeks added up to the end of the calendar year.

Over the last 12 weeks I have grown to love my study partners, although they were already friends, this time of fellowship has been amazing for me. Our time in prayer together is very special to me as well, not to mention effective. I have seen the Holy Spirit move as we have called upon Him. Continually through out our book study the pastor’s message has been in line with what we were discussing…I love it when God confirms what you are learning.

God really came through loud and clear last Sunday, the pastor said almost the exact same words as our discussion. His message was about familiarity as a faith crusher. How Jesus could not do miracles in his hometown (Mark 6:4-5), because the people in Jesus’ hometown could not believe that the little Jesus that they knew, Joesph’s son, a carpenter could be the Son of God. The pastor said we can be too familiar with a situation to have faith for God to change it. Are we expecting it to change? Are we expecting God to move? Or are we too familiar with the reasons why it won’t be different? Same questions we just discussed in class.

I was on the edge of my seat…”God, You are talking to me. I hear you.” I wanted to turn around in the pew to look up in the balcony where my study partners were sitting, were they as floored as I was? After the service I found my study partners with their jaws on the ground. We could hardly talk. Clear confirmation.

To be continued…

Big Church

I have no problems with big churches. I don’t even have anything against mega churches. But I do not think the spiritual health of the church should be measured by the number of people in the pews. A church can be spirit filled even if the pews are not.

Have I mentioned that my church is small?

There are many Pros and Cons about attending a church with a small congregation, here are just a few…

PRO
You are forced to step out of your comfort zone, because everyone must participate for the church to work. I am quite sure that if I attended a big church that I would never have been asked to volunteer in the ways that I have. Without being asked to step up, for example teaching in the youth ministry, I would have missed gifts that God has given me. I love, that for me, church is more about serving than just being served.
CON
You are asked to participate in almost ALL ministries because the pool of volunteers is small, so it is the same people for everything.

PRO
If you skip a Sunday service, people notice.
CON
If you skip a Sunday service, people notice.

PRO
My kids feel at home in our youth group, we are like a family.
CON
Our youth group is fantastic, but we will never have the resources to do the really neat things that other youth groups do. (I know I should not be comparing, but just allow me my honest view)

PRO
Because we have limited resources we rely on God to provide completely.
CON
Our limited resources can make it hard to accomplish what we would like to. In any budget heating bills come before missions, right? What if there is not much left over?

It is true my church is not big in numbers…but is that really important? Sometimes it seems like it to me, but is that just small thinking taking over my small mind?

I read this great post about How you define a small church. Maybe my church is bigger than it seems.

Church Search

For the last 12 weeks I have been doing some serious searching. I have not been very public about my journey because it was a topic I did not want to discuss with many people for fear of hurting anyone’s feelings.

I was thinking of finding a new church.

First let me state that my church is a huge part of my life and the life of my children; I do not take this decision lightly. I LOVE my pastor, who is extrodinarily gifted with reaching prodigals; he is intelligent, wise and giving. He has made a HUGE impact on my life. There are many in our congregation who I have grown close to. The action of leaving my church is a serious one for me.
I became a member of my church in the summer of 2005. It is the one and only church of which I have ever been a member. Since becoming a member I have been very active in the youth ministry and other areas of our church life.

We are a small, struggling church. Currently we are in the middle of a heated battle with our denomination. At the time when I joined the First Presbyterian Church I had no knowledge of any of the debates and battles going on within the denomination. I have to admit that joining this church was not at all about becoming Presbyterian, in fact I really did not know what the difference was. I just wanted to worship where I knew the people loved Jesus. By the help and love that this congregation had shared with me, I thought that this is where I belonged.

But I have since been made aware of disturbing problems within the Presbyterian denomination. Our congregation has voted to disaffiliate from the PC USA over the denomination’s liberal direction on Scripture and theology. Our congregation wishes to transfer our membership to the more conservative Evangelical Presbyterian Church. I wish the actual transition were as easy as it was to write. PC USA owns our property so even though this congregation stretched themselves to the max to build a new addition and pay it off in less than a decade it belongs to PC USA. Taking a stand against the PC USA means we could ultimately lose our building.

For me this battle has been draining. I have tried to stay out of it, to be honest. At first because I wasn’t sure I understood it. Then, because it seemed to have nothing to do with my walk with Christ. But even now that I do understand it and agree that we must leave the denomination, I feel it is just plain distracting from what I thought the ultimate purpose of the church was. The issues have made it impossible to receive new members, drained our resources and sucked away our attention.

But this show down with PC USA is not the only reason I have considered leaving my church….

TO BE CONTINUED

Sledding

Steve has been posting about his family's adventures on the Nappanee sledding hill. (Here, Here and Here) Steve informed me during Christmas dinner that the weather has created "once in a decade" conditions for the sledding hill and he let me know that I would be crazy not to take my kids to try it, he even told me that we could borrow his new saucer sleds.
The weather was really ideal when we went, 32 degrees, not to cold but cold enough that it wasn't a water slide. The parking lot looked like an ice skating rink, just walking proved to be a daunting task on the slick ice, as I was walking up the hill I was wishing I had crampons for my shoes and an ice pick.
The runs were fast and looong. Even the kids went way down the hill, over the slow down hill and then down again out to the parking lot of the golf course club house. See Steve's map to see what I mean. This hill is built for sledding so there really are no obstacles to dodge, except for one smallish tree out past the slow down hill. On a normal day this tree would not be an issue, because a sled would never make it all the way to it. But today on Jud's second run he ran right into it and scraped his leg and hurt his hands. Even with the injury we all had a blast. Thanks Steve for lending us your saucers...oh by the way, we broke one into pieces and cracked another. We will get you new ones.

Christmas

Cooper is a star!

Last night I sat in the third row of Northwood High School Auditorium and beamed from ear to ear. I watched as Cooper had the crowd laughing in his leading role in Nappanee Elementary School's Christmas performance. He played Tan N. Baum, Christmas tree farmer. He worked really hard for the past several months, rehearsing during recess and learning all his lines. He did a great job, I am so proud of him.

Mary Christmas

Last night Tilly did a wonderful job as Mary in our Christmas Pagent at church.

Duals All Star Wrestling

For the last two weeks Cooper has been practicing 3 days a week with his Duals All Star Wrestling team. Northwood Elementary Wrestling Club hosted a meet with 4 other schools attending. Kids from Wawasee, Rochester, Fairfield and Tippy Valley competed against each other as teams.

The meet started for us on Friday, as hosts we had to go help set up the gym and concessions area. Saturday morning we were there by 8:15 am and the meet began at 9am. We watched as Northwood picked off the teams match by match. The meet did not end until 6:00pm! This was the longest day of sitting on bleachers I have ever had!

The video is of Cooper wrestling (and winning 6-0) his first of 3 matches (he won them all) in the 8 and under division. If you listen closely and you can hear his teammates chanting his name, COO-PER-COO-PER!

Cooper will probably not continue wrestling. He is pretty good and very strong, but lacks the desire to dedicate himself to it. I am certainly not going to argue. The thought of traveling to all-day meets where you sit for hours to see your kid compete for a few minutes is not appealing to me. I can say I am proud that Cooper stuck it out and worked hard the last two weeks for the Duals team.

Flush with God's Provisions

This week has been a chaotic week in the Stillson household. And unfortunately is leading up to another equally busy week. One of stresses this week included one of the most basic of necessities, our bathroom.
This week my toilet started making funny bubbling noises then stopped filling up with the normal amount of water and within 24 hours started over flowing when flushed. My bath tub and sink in that bathroom also started backing up and not draining correctly. Jud and a friend spent 4 hours trying to fix it by plunging, snaking and other non-skilled plumbing remedies. We finally called a plumber once all our efforts were to no avail. The plumber found the problem. A root had invaded my pipes outside and the root ball had grown so large that the pipe was completely blocked. My toilet sat in my bathtub for 2 days while the plumber worked on it.
On Thursday morning my prayers included “Lord, thank you that I have a second bathroom.” Which I never thought I would pray. On Friday after work, I mentioned my toilet again in my prayers as the sound of a flush was sweet music to my ears. Although my sparse wallet took a major hit, this ordeal ended on Friday with God providing when I received a Christmas bonus at work that helped with the cost.

BRRR! The Coldest Parade Ever!

Last night Tilly and Cooper pulled out "Best in Show" dog Grizzom in a wagon along the chilly route of the Nappanee Christmas Parade. Grizzom and Tilly wore their Hawaiian costumes from the dog show this summer. I walked along side them freezing my tushy off. It was so cold even the dog was shivering! Although the night was frigid the kids still had fun walking in the parade, seeing the live nativity, eating cookies and hot chocolate. We warmed up once we got home and decorated the Christmas tree.

Heart Break

My heart is breaking tonight. I found out today that one of the ladies that I have visited with at the Elkhart County Jail (I have wrote about her here and here and here ) got out of prison Tuesday. This is the 5th time she has been released from jail or prison over the last 6 or 7 years. Each time she has sat in jail and promised herself and others that she would turn her life around, that she would stay away from crack, that she would find a job and stop hustling on the street. That she would be a mother to her daughter. But each time the pull of the drugs is too much and she ended up back on the street and then back in jail.

This time was going to be different.

She is a bright woman, with a loving family and she has a big personality that people are drawn too. Many of the ministers who visit the jail have a "special" relationship with her, she is the daughter of a friend of mine, so she was special to me too. While she was in jail for the past 6 months she read her Bible, counseled with pastors, prayed and vowed to change her life.

The judge gave her a miraculous second-chance (in her case 7th chance) and suspended her sentence if she would live at the Rose Home (a halfway house for recovering women). Her mom even dared to hope, even though she has been let down and hurt too many times to count, that she might be home for Christmas.

On Tuesday when she was released from Rockville Womens Prison she took the bus to Elkhart. At the bus station waiting for her was one of the lay-pastors she had befriended in jail, but also waiting for her were some friends from the street, who she had obviously called to come pick her up. She lied to the pastor and left with the friends. Now none of the people who have been cautiously growing in hope for her recovery over the last 6 months know where she is. She has not called her parents, she has chucked all her plans for her release out the window.

She has to report to the Rose Home by tomorrow or she will violate her probation and lose her spot at the half way house.

Will she throw all the help, support and love to the wind? Does she have so much self-loathing and shame that she can not face her family? Does it just seem easier to fail now rather than take the chance to try?

10 Years Ago

Ten years ago today I became a mother.
The night that Matilda was born there was the most beautiful full moon and so she became Matilda Moon. Right from the start she has been a special child. She is one of the sweetest children I have ever met. She is thoughtful of others feelings and easy going. She is a deep thinker. She has always been bright, even as a baby. She could sing and do the moves to her Barney songs when she was only one, she was memorizing the books I read to her long before she could read. She is a good student who loves books and history. She loves Jesus, she always surprises me by the depth of her understanding of the Gospel. She tends to be a little shy, she is respectful and quiet...but I have seen her crazy and irreverent side. She rarely gets into trouble...she is easy to parent. She is easy to love. I thank God everyday for choosing me to be her mother. I pray and dream about her future and all the things God has planned for her.
Happy birthday Tilly, I will always love you no matter what. I love watching as you grow and become all that God created you to be.